A Little, Old Testimony!

This actually starts quite some time ago, back in 2005 to be exact. In secondary school, it is compulsory to complete a certain number of hours of community service. As such, I had signed up to spend an afternoon with some orphans in Singapore Botanical Gardens. It was one of the most fulfilling afternoons I have ever had. It was such a great joy just playing around with the kids and chatting with them and even hearing some of their stories.

I told myself that this is what I want to do in life. I would not be content just sitting behind a desk, or making money for a huge firm, no matter how much the salary would be. I felt like I was called to work among those who really needed help! I told God that I would serve Him in a foreign land.

That was that, and life just continued to go on. Then, doubt started to creep in. I felt that I had made that commitment in the spur of the moment, riding on the ‘high’ that the fruitful afternoon had given me. I began to ask, ‘what if God actually did not call me? Then, if I go on against His will, I will be disobeying!’ I brought this worry before God and got no clear answer.

Fast forward a couple of years to 2009. By the grace of God, I scored well enough in my exams to qualify not just for university studies, but for a range of degrees. Since at this point of time I was still unsure what I wanted to work as in the future, I thought taking a general degree, like business, would be the best option. That is the degree I applied for and I got accepted into the National University of Singapore (NUS).

However, really had/have no interest in the corporate world and although I believe business is something I could excel at, it is not something I believe I would enjoy. Due to the mandatory national service, I had 2 more years to reconsider what I wanted to study in uni. After consulting my peers and family, I decided to change from business to economics. This brought about two uncertainties.

First, economics was not my best subject in junior college. In fact, I was failing it right up until the final exam. It was a subject I enjoyed, but not one I could score well in and so I was and am still unsure how well I will do in university. Second, NUS does not have a strong economics faculty. As such, I changed university as well. I am now enrolled in Singapore Management University (SMU), which is a lot more cutthroat and competitive than NUS. I tend to thrive more in more relaxed atmospheres and so am quite apprehensive of SMU.

As I mentioned earlier, I had no idea what I wanted to work as after university. There was just a lot of uncertainty in my life. I’m usually quite a happy-go-lucky person and hence am not too concerned if my entire life is not rolled out before me. However, there seemed to not even be a semblance of an idea of what I was to do with my life, and that did worry me. While my brother, five years my junior, already knew what he wanted to specialise in and accomplish in his life, I was still utterly clueless.

These were the three main issues that were occupying my mind as I set out for a mission with my parents. Not knowing if God had actually called me, not knowing if I made the right university decisions and not knowing anything about my future.
The time in Laos was amazing though. I met so many great people and felt God really close to me. This was all topped off by the dinner our team and two other families shared at someone’s house. First, I had to do a sharing and it was really inspired by God, because I had never been put in that kind of position before! Second, the fellowship was delightful and third, the prayer that one of the couples prayed for me was life changing.

I do not recall if I mentioned any of my before mentioned dilemmas to that couple earlier than evening. I believe I did share with them my uncertainty about starting university, but do not recall sharing the other two things occupying my mind. I’m afraid I do not remember the prayer word for word either, but there were three phrases which will always be embedded in my mind.

First, that, "God has INDEED called me into His ministry." The word indeed really pierced my heart when they prayed it and it really felt like God was speaking to me directly. Second, that, "God will choose my course of study." This was such a reassurance, knowing that the decision I make is not my own, but will be according to God’s plan. Lastly, that, "God will reveal what he has in store for me in His own timing." Such peace overcame my heart at this moment, and I was assured that I need not worry about tomorrow, because it is in God’s hands!

So, just wanted to put this down in writing before the details get more fuzzy!

To work or not to work...

So, what are you doing now?

Oh.. I'm happily unemployed!

That phrase together with "better to be unemployed than to be employed by SAF", have been my most used lines in recent times. No, I have not been using those lines to lord over ppl who are incredibly busy or still in the army!

I had every intention to work after I was done with my term in the army. I certainly do not enjoy "living off" my parents. I very much prefer to be independant. Indeed, I worked for a month, december last year, and it was a good experience. However, at the end of the 1 month stint, I was a few hundred dollars richer, but none the wiser.

Time is by far a more precious resource than money will ever be. I tend to be very loose in the way i spend my money, but it pales in comparison to my wasteful treatment of the time that i've had.

I initially took the decision not to work so that I could enrol into some course in some Bible School. On hindsight, the vagueness of the plan led to it's inevitable failure. I took my own time finding a school and course, that by the time i found something suitable, all the application dates had passed.

Still, there seemed to be so much more fruitful stuff I could do with my time than just settling for another temp job! At least in my head there was. To be fair to myself(such a weird phrase), I did manage and am managing to do some great stuff with my time.

I've managed to spend more time with my maternal grandmother this year than I did the entire of last year. From playing Scrabble to learning her top secret recipes, it has been a real joy interating with her and engagin her in stuff that really brings back the old days for her. Also, I was able to accompany my paternal grandparents to Malaysia to attend a funeral. Next week, I'm planning to go over to teach my grandmother how to use the computer.

Not having to hold down a 9-5 job also means that I'm available to help anyone who needs it. Not only that, but i'm also able to notice when people need help. Okay, I can still be quite oblivious to things happening around me, but I hope I'm improving! Whether it is just sitting down for a chat or actually helping out with designing brochures, I'm a lot more able and willing to do so only because I have the time and energy!

The ability to spend extended Quiet Time with the Lord has been the greatest advantage of being unemployed. Each new day, I am able to spend an hour or two at the beach with my Father. The best part is that I can even just be there the whole day if I want to! I have always felt that I can hear from God better when I'm away from all the hustle and bustle of life and am just sitting at the beach with the sound of the winds and the waves.

Something far more incredible happened last week though. As I sat at the beach and watched the tide come in and the waves crash over my toes, I did not just hear God speak to me from heaven. No, I could feel God sitting with me at the beach. Goodness, no words could describe the emotion, but it's simply incredible; having the Creator of all things in such close proximity to you! All I can say is that it was and is the happiest moment in my life.

So, if I have attained so much joy in being unemployed, then why am I re-evaluating my decision now? Let's just say that I spent the entire afternoon today playing Fifa 11 on my xbox and am now feeling a little guilty. Well, it's not just today it's just an accumulation of hours wasted everyday to mindless surfing of the internet.

Bad Habits die hard, they say. I can not seem to get out of default mode of going to the computer whenever I have time at home. Neither can I seem to persevere long enough to execute ideas that I have in my head. It seems that unless someone gives me a structure to follow, my days will just be spineless.

However, after 2 years of regimentation in the army, spineless days are "oh so refreshing"! Too much of almost anything can never do much good though. What I think I need is a basic structure of the weeks ahead and a list of things that I need and should do in the spaces of free time which will appear.

It's decided then... NOT TO WORK! Time for me to head down to the beach to snap some night pics and to write down that list then...

Friend of God

This song kinda popped into my head last night and spent some time actually reflecting on the lyrics. Basically, the whole idea about being a friend of God.

For a long time I knew about the God-Mortal and Father-Son relationship. Recently I discovered the Lord-Steward relationship that exists. I have thought about the Friend relationship every time that we sing that song in church, but never in any real depth.

In any case, this morning i was at a retreat and we sang 'I am a friend of God'. Decided then that I should spend a bit more time thinking about it and write about it here. The phrase 'Friend of God' is actually used to describe my namesake in the Bible, Abraham.

James 2:23 - And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend.

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about friendship is loyalty. Along with loyalty, a good friend is always dependable as well. God is definitely both loyal and dependable. What about us then? Are we loyal to God and can God depend on us to act in accordance to His will? Often the answer is no, but God is gracious enough to forgive our transgressions if we realise the wrong we have done and make an attempt to change.

This brings me to the next point about friendship. I'm sure if you take a moment to consider friends who are closest to you, the realisation that the two of you share a lot of things in common will soon arise. In the same way, if we are to be God's friend, then our heart's desire should be in line with His. One should not just blindly accept God's commands and try to follow them. We must first understand why doing some things are not right and then ask God for the strength to break out of our sinful ways.

The most important aspect of friendship is communication. Acquaintances only become friends after you spend a considerable amount of quality time with the other person, conversing with them. God speaks to us. Whether we take the time to listen to his soft,still voice is something we have to decide on our own.

Can you imagine how superficial a friendship would be if you only contact your 'friend' when you need them to do something for you? God is ready to listen to us at any time but, when we pray, we should not solely be telling God what we need Him to do for us. Our conversation with God must go deeper than that. We should pray with the aim of knowing God better.

So let us say that we are loyal to God, our hearts are in sync with His and we have deep communication with God on a regular basis. What will be the result of this friendship? Besides having close fellowship with our Heavenly Father, which in itself is awesome, the bible reveals one more result.

John 15:15 - I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

A matter of mentality?

Proven: S'pore maths good for US students


I first read the above article in the New Paper on Sunday. Basically, it talks about how U.S. kids, using our Singaporean textbook, have shown improvements in their math grades. Who even knew that our math textbooks were being exported? I certainly didn't.

Know what else I did not know? Our Sec 2's and Primary 4's have topped the International rankings for achievement in maths and science a whopping 4 times! I felt so proud though i do know that my year probably wasn't one of the years who were awarded this recognition.

It got me thinking though. If our young kids (i feel so old saying this) show so much promise, should it not translate to more success in the outside world? I am not saying that Singapore have not been achieving anything in the last decades or so. On the contrary, our progress is admirable. I will always admire Creative for taking $100 Million from Apple in a legal suit.

All the ipods out there have to thank creative for their origin! Why it is not Creative but Apple which sells the most amount of Portable Music Players (brings back memories of project work) remains to be seen? Somewhere between the conception of the idea and implementing the idea, Creative got lost.

I would be even more delighted if their pay cheque came in from the shopping malls instead of from the court room. Is it just signs of learning? Perhaps next time a Singaporean company will get it right and become a global giant? Or is it our mentality preventing us from taking things to the next level?

We all embrace Corrinne May as a "Singapore-Made" Singer. Yes, she grew up here. The facts remains though that she is now a citizen in Los Angeles. She felt that the only way to further her music career was to "defect" over the US. Is it true that you can't remain in Singapore and become a superstar? Or is it a matter of mentality?

When I talk to my friends, many want to migrate overseas to work. Singapore isn't "big" enough for their dreams to be fulfilled here. Is it just a case of the grass being greener on the other side? Or do we feel shackled by the chains our own minds have locked us in?

I do think the day will come when Singaporeans will win Nobel Prizes, Grammy's, Emmy's and whatever award the west has come up with. I do think that we need to take another look at our education.

Is loading children with maths and science the route to success in the outside world? Unless one intends to be a teacher, a scientist or a mathematician, only a basic grasp of the above subjects are necessary.

I believe our Primary education is fine. What I do not understand is why does a student have to score for maths, physics, chemistry and history for O levels if they just want to pursue a course in Mass Communications in Polytechnic? Why is a student with As in Physics and Maths not allowed to get his course of study in Engineering due to his/her failure in Literature or Geography.

The scenarios above are hypothetical, but I do have friends who have not been able to do a course they would have probably excelled at because of their O level grades.

Another thing to look at is the admissions criteria for our Universities. I do think that the playing field for JC Students and Poly Students should be level. I was a JC kid and yes i managed to attain a place in a university. I do feel for those who slogged it out for 3 years in Polytechnic only to find that the local University is not offering them a place to continue their studies.

For those with lots of capital, overseas uni is readily available. Those who do not have this luxury, they enter the working world, sometimes prematurely. The ONLY reason that I went to a Junior College was to buy time. If at 16 I knew what I wanted to do for a living, I would have gone to a Polytechnic. The assumption that students are in polytechnic only because they could not get into JC needs to be dropped.

I am convinced that we have lost a host of creative and talented students to overseas colleges. A significant number will choose to live out the rest of their life there, just like Corrinne May.

The key to unlocking our rigid mentality is education. Until we let each and every child recognise and grow the God-given talent that he/she has, the potential Singapore obviously possess will continue to waste away.

I am waiting for the day when Singapore produces a show which streams world-wide, or an artiste who releases a number 1 hit or even a soccer team which qualifies for the World Cup (i'm allowed to dream, aren't i?). Till then though, I shall endeavour to support our locals as much as I can. Be it buying creative earphones or attending a local comedy act, I will do my part to grow our local talent pool.

Wonder if anyone else will follow...

Rooted in Love

The below is actually a post in my Quiet Time blog which i just revived today.


Eph 3:17b - And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,...."

ref Matt 13:20,21 - The one who received the seed that fell on rocky ground is the man who hears the word and receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble and persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away.

I've read the parable of the sower and heard many sermons about it. Every time, I just assumed that having no root just means having no real foundation. That isn't wrong, but the question is what foundation is required? Foundation in God's Word? No, many have studied the bible religiously and have still fallen away, Pharisee's not the least of such people.

Rather, what is required is a foundation in God's love. We MUST be rooted in God's love, and our roots must go deep. It is only when we are empowered by God's love that we can overcome the trials that this world throws at us and come out stronger. Since we fall away from God, we would be unable to bear fruit.

This brings me to the second point. Without first drawing from and experiencing God's love, we would be unable to love those around us. If we have never experienced real love, how are we supposed to know how to fully love anyone else? Yes, we have experienced love from those close to us, but even this is imperfect love. When we draw on the Father's love, we can reflect some of His love to those around us. It is only when people see this unconditional love of God through us that they will give Christ any real thought.

So how do we send grow our roots deep into God's love? It is widely accepted that the soil in the parable of the sower is a metaphor for the state of our heart. If our heart is a rock, we block out God's love for us. Here lies the problem, we are sometimes have our hearts so closely guarded in the fear that we will get hurt that we block out things which are essential to our growth. In this case, we block out God's love, which he offers freely to us.

If our hearts are made of good soil, our roots can easily penetrate through and reach God's unending supply of love. Release your fears to God and open your heart to Him. Let His love flow right through you. You will find rest in His arms and shelter under His wing. In this conditions, we will be fruitful.

Incepted....

What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere.

Somehow, I can never locate where this idea has embedded itself. During the show, I had so many questions ans so many thoughts that I wanted to give further thought once the show was done. As soon as I left the cinema, most of the ideas disappeared. If i could remember it, this blog post would have been a lot longer.

In any case, I will be writing about my thoughts about the movie Inception, so if you have not watched it for one reason or another but do intend to watch it some time in the future, do not read on.

I will first just point out 3 loopholes which i found in the show (this seems to interest people more than anything), then a little secular analysis of a quote from the show and then end with a Christian analysis about the show.



I myself am not too interested in identifying loopholes in the show cause I don't quite see the point. I will just quickly point out some stuff which didn't quite make sense to me. First of which is why didn't the whole bunch of them get called back from the hotel level of the dream when the can went rolling down the slope? There were a few times that the van was completely off the ground and hence the feeling of falling should have been achieved.

The second one is more intriguing. Why is it that Albert missed the first kick? He was in no deeper state of dreaming and hence when the van first reversed off the bridge, he should have awoken already. This would have meant that he would not have been able to drop the rest and they would have been stuck.

The last question I have is why did Fischer and Ariadne have to jump off the building in the Limbo state when the explosion at the snow level of the dream should have brought them out. Is it not true, according to the movie, that when you die in the limbo state that you wake up in reality? If that were the case, then Fischer would have woken up prior to the rest and realized that he was connected to a machine.

There are actually a few of my own questions to the movie that i can't quite answer, but i think i shall omit those so that I can get down to me analysis.. Exciting.. to me at least!

One of the quotes which stuck with me when I watched the movie the second time was how Cobb says that,

"I think positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time."

This line was taken from the scene where they are trying to figure out how they should plant the idea into Fischer's head. Eames suggests that they should make Fischer's already fractious relationship with his Father even worse and hence Fischer will break up his Father's empire in retaliation.

Upon hearing the quote above, I thought that it wasn't really true. People do tend to act on impulse and retaliate if they feel they have been wronged, but at times people don't always repay good with anything at all.

However, i realized that this actually goes a lot deeper. I think it can be considered a fact that people want to be accepted. This feeling is stronger in a few compared to others, but at the end of the day, we do want people to have a good opinion of us, especially when that person in question is someone who means a lot to you. In this case, Fischer longed for his father's love, just like many kids long to gain the approval of their parents.

Every experience Fischer had with his father suggested that his father had little or no affection for him. As soon as it was suggested that perhaps he just misunderstood his father though, his sub-conscience was quick to grab onto that idea. It was evidently something that Fischer had considered before but dismissed due to the lack of evidence. Through the dream a plausible scenario, which showed his father in a positive and loving light, was created.

Although the script does not tell us whether he actually broke up his father's empire. He now had reason to be his own man instead of just following in his father's footsteps. You may think that Fischer is soft and gullible for believing that his father actually loved him, but I think it takes courage to look past someones many faults and see the good in them.

i do believe that good exists in each and every person. the question is,"Are we willing to look past their faults, which could hurt us multiple times, and see the good in them?" If we dismiss anyone as a bad person, then eventually that person will believe that he/she is bad and they will not bother to change. It always is about building others up. Suggest to people that they are loved and accepted and see the positive emotion bear fruit.



Onto the Christian analysis now. I must admit though that this isn't fully thought through and there are going to be quite a few loopholes.

At the end of Inception, it is hard to tell for sure if Cobb is in a dream or in reality. As I gave the movie some thought, it occurred to me that even now we're in a dream-like state. I'm not saying we're in a dream, because there are certainly differences between being in a dream and our current situation. Hence, I say that we are in a dream-like state.

For Christians, we know that earth is not our home and eternal life begins postmortem in heaven. As such, our reality is technically in heaven. However, different from a dream, our actions here on earth have a very real effect on where we end up in the after-life. This is why we can not kill ourselves in the dream to escape and return back to reality. If we take our own lives in this world, the likelihood is that we enter a limbo (hell) which we will never be able to escape.

So what about this life makes me feel like it is just a dream. Well, this world makes little sense to me. The amount of violence, discrimination and natural disasters just confound me at times. Surely a good Creator did not have a life like this planned for us.

So this begs the question of why I think our Creator, if one even exists, is by nature good. First, why do I think a Creator exists? Well, as of now, there is no explanation which shows that the creation of the world and everything around us could have happened naturally. Scientists point to the Big Bang, but somethings must have triggered it. My brother would be in a better position to talk about this because he is into all this sciency, nerdy stuff. For me though, I think it is most sensible to believe that there is a power greater than anyone of us that created us. It makes more sense than believing that everything popped out of nothing.

How do i know that our Creator is good? Well, I can see why a good God would create us, but i don't see any reason as to why a bad God would create us. If a bad God created us, surely we would be bound into slavery, with no choice as to how we want to live. There is no reason for a bad God to conceal himself, manipulation could be done openly.

So why would a good God create us? I believe that we have been created to fellowship with God. Do note that God does not NEED us to fellowship with Him, He has angels and He Himself is triune. However, I do think that he WANTS to have fellowship with us. For true fellowship to exist though, the 2 parties have to decide to engage in a relationship with each other.

This is precisely why God gives us free choice. He designed the earth to be a perfect place where He could commune with us, but we chose sin and now a sinful nature exists innately in each and every one of us. To be human was never meant to be to err. It was only after we had fallen to temptation that this place became temporal and death came into existence.

God could not let us live forever in our sinful ways because no face-to-face fellowship could have taken place due to God's holiness. As such, God sent his Son, Jesus, to die for our sin so that once we believe in Jesus, we may again enter into fellowship with God. Once we die, we are able to enter into God's presence again.

So what will I do now? Well, let's just say that a certain man is coming. I know where I want Him to take me, and I know where He will take me. What I do not know is when will He take me there, but it doesn't matter. In the meantime, I will try to convince others to join me on the Jesus Express to Eternity.

Will you take a leap of faith with Christ?

Sloth and more Sloth...

They say time is money... I think it is much more important than that. I mean money is something that you can get in time, but time can do so much more than that. In time, you can pick up new skills, learn life lessons, save a life, etcetra etcetra..

I've acheived almost none of the above in the last 2 years of my life. Yeah.. a whole lot of time and hence opportunities wasted. I know how bad it is, but yet i can't seem to get out of this rut. What is it about lazing around that is so addictive?

There is surely no satisfaction at the end of the day and your brain is almost as good as dead during that time. Nothing is gained and an unquantifiable amount is lost.

I think I know the root of the cause... I just get bored of stuff so easily. I do things several times and before there is any fruit, i get bored of it and find something else to do. This blog for one is a good example. There have been so many things I wanted to write, especially about my South Africa trip. The thoughts never translated from my mind to the paper/web and now i struggle to remember the observations made and insights gained from the trip.

Learning Italian is another one on my un-numbered list of things I have started and never finished. I think every 4 months or so i decide that I REALLY want to learn Italian at least at a basic level, and after 4 days the desire is gone.

Oh.. at one time I was actually so convinced that I wanted to become a sports journalist that I actually wrote a match preview piece for a Milan-Juventus game and sent it in to some Goal.com writer to get his comments! He actually gave me a really positive and encouraging reply. wow.. i managed to find his reply :

Hey that was pretty good. You write very well for someone of your age. I understand that you've been keeping yourself up to date on Milan issues.

But do try using some more sub headings. It'll make your article more attractive

Do you read much? If you do, what do u read?

regards,
Arun

Not too long after this though I realised that there are so many people out there who write so much better than I do. I didn't think that even with serious effort I would ever make it as a sports journalist, doing what I really want to do. I never even tried... Even now I wonder whether it really is too late for me to try and catch up with the 'competition' or if I just do not want to try.

I suppose that my worry is, "what happens if i try and fail?" Yes, I know it will still be a good learning experience and writing is definitely a skill which will be useful in anything I do in the future. The problem is that my pride runs deep. Once I try and fail, then I will kow for sure that I am not good enough to be a Sports Journalist. If I stick with the status quo, I can at least comfort myself by reasoning that perhaps my talent and potential was just never fully realised and I could have been a great journalist.

Which in itself is really scary cause the bible warns of the consequences of not using the gifts God has given us to accomplish His will. My excuse to that has always been that God hasn't given me any gifts. It's amazing how stupid guilt can make a person.

In any case, I think it's evident to self, family, friends close to me and last;y, but definitely not least, God knows that I have to start doing something with my life before it really is too late. I do think it is a little too late for me to actually become a journalist, if you think I'm wrong feel free to shout at me. I still want to improve my writing though. As such I shall endevour to write a blog post every Sunday.

Italian? hmmm... undecided on this. Just mentally listed the pros and cons and I think I definitely should pick this up again.

Touch Typing... Gonna finish the online lessons on this before I ORD.. I type far too slowly..

Last, but most important...

Quiet Time... every weekday morning I shall rise at 5am to do my QT before I head off to camp..

All the best to myself... goodness knows that I will need perseverance as I have never displayed before..

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" Phil 4:13