A Little, Old Testimony!

This actually starts quite some time ago, back in 2005 to be exact. In secondary school, it is compulsory to complete a certain number of hours of community service. As such, I had signed up to spend an afternoon with some orphans in Singapore Botanical Gardens. It was one of the most fulfilling afternoons I have ever had. It was such a great joy just playing around with the kids and chatting with them and even hearing some of their stories.

I told myself that this is what I want to do in life. I would not be content just sitting behind a desk, or making money for a huge firm, no matter how much the salary would be. I felt like I was called to work among those who really needed help! I told God that I would serve Him in a foreign land.

That was that, and life just continued to go on. Then, doubt started to creep in. I felt that I had made that commitment in the spur of the moment, riding on the ‘high’ that the fruitful afternoon had given me. I began to ask, ‘what if God actually did not call me? Then, if I go on against His will, I will be disobeying!’ I brought this worry before God and got no clear answer.

Fast forward a couple of years to 2009. By the grace of God, I scored well enough in my exams to qualify not just for university studies, but for a range of degrees. Since at this point of time I was still unsure what I wanted to work as in the future, I thought taking a general degree, like business, would be the best option. That is the degree I applied for and I got accepted into the National University of Singapore (NUS).

However, really had/have no interest in the corporate world and although I believe business is something I could excel at, it is not something I believe I would enjoy. Due to the mandatory national service, I had 2 more years to reconsider what I wanted to study in uni. After consulting my peers and family, I decided to change from business to economics. This brought about two uncertainties.

First, economics was not my best subject in junior college. In fact, I was failing it right up until the final exam. It was a subject I enjoyed, but not one I could score well in and so I was and am still unsure how well I will do in university. Second, NUS does not have a strong economics faculty. As such, I changed university as well. I am now enrolled in Singapore Management University (SMU), which is a lot more cutthroat and competitive than NUS. I tend to thrive more in more relaxed atmospheres and so am quite apprehensive of SMU.

As I mentioned earlier, I had no idea what I wanted to work as after university. There was just a lot of uncertainty in my life. I’m usually quite a happy-go-lucky person and hence am not too concerned if my entire life is not rolled out before me. However, there seemed to not even be a semblance of an idea of what I was to do with my life, and that did worry me. While my brother, five years my junior, already knew what he wanted to specialise in and accomplish in his life, I was still utterly clueless.

These were the three main issues that were occupying my mind as I set out for a mission with my parents. Not knowing if God had actually called me, not knowing if I made the right university decisions and not knowing anything about my future.
The time in Laos was amazing though. I met so many great people and felt God really close to me. This was all topped off by the dinner our team and two other families shared at someone’s house. First, I had to do a sharing and it was really inspired by God, because I had never been put in that kind of position before! Second, the fellowship was delightful and third, the prayer that one of the couples prayed for me was life changing.

I do not recall if I mentioned any of my before mentioned dilemmas to that couple earlier than evening. I believe I did share with them my uncertainty about starting university, but do not recall sharing the other two things occupying my mind. I’m afraid I do not remember the prayer word for word either, but there were three phrases which will always be embedded in my mind.

First, that, "God has INDEED called me into His ministry." The word indeed really pierced my heart when they prayed it and it really felt like God was speaking to me directly. Second, that, "God will choose my course of study." This was such a reassurance, knowing that the decision I make is not my own, but will be according to God’s plan. Lastly, that, "God will reveal what he has in store for me in His own timing." Such peace overcame my heart at this moment, and I was assured that I need not worry about tomorrow, because it is in God’s hands!

So, just wanted to put this down in writing before the details get more fuzzy!

To work or not to work...

So, what are you doing now?

Oh.. I'm happily unemployed!

That phrase together with "better to be unemployed than to be employed by SAF", have been my most used lines in recent times. No, I have not been using those lines to lord over ppl who are incredibly busy or still in the army!

I had every intention to work after I was done with my term in the army. I certainly do not enjoy "living off" my parents. I very much prefer to be independant. Indeed, I worked for a month, december last year, and it was a good experience. However, at the end of the 1 month stint, I was a few hundred dollars richer, but none the wiser.

Time is by far a more precious resource than money will ever be. I tend to be very loose in the way i spend my money, but it pales in comparison to my wasteful treatment of the time that i've had.

I initially took the decision not to work so that I could enrol into some course in some Bible School. On hindsight, the vagueness of the plan led to it's inevitable failure. I took my own time finding a school and course, that by the time i found something suitable, all the application dates had passed.

Still, there seemed to be so much more fruitful stuff I could do with my time than just settling for another temp job! At least in my head there was. To be fair to myself(such a weird phrase), I did manage and am managing to do some great stuff with my time.

I've managed to spend more time with my maternal grandmother this year than I did the entire of last year. From playing Scrabble to learning her top secret recipes, it has been a real joy interating with her and engagin her in stuff that really brings back the old days for her. Also, I was able to accompany my paternal grandparents to Malaysia to attend a funeral. Next week, I'm planning to go over to teach my grandmother how to use the computer.

Not having to hold down a 9-5 job also means that I'm available to help anyone who needs it. Not only that, but i'm also able to notice when people need help. Okay, I can still be quite oblivious to things happening around me, but I hope I'm improving! Whether it is just sitting down for a chat or actually helping out with designing brochures, I'm a lot more able and willing to do so only because I have the time and energy!

The ability to spend extended Quiet Time with the Lord has been the greatest advantage of being unemployed. Each new day, I am able to spend an hour or two at the beach with my Father. The best part is that I can even just be there the whole day if I want to! I have always felt that I can hear from God better when I'm away from all the hustle and bustle of life and am just sitting at the beach with the sound of the winds and the waves.

Something far more incredible happened last week though. As I sat at the beach and watched the tide come in and the waves crash over my toes, I did not just hear God speak to me from heaven. No, I could feel God sitting with me at the beach. Goodness, no words could describe the emotion, but it's simply incredible; having the Creator of all things in such close proximity to you! All I can say is that it was and is the happiest moment in my life.

So, if I have attained so much joy in being unemployed, then why am I re-evaluating my decision now? Let's just say that I spent the entire afternoon today playing Fifa 11 on my xbox and am now feeling a little guilty. Well, it's not just today it's just an accumulation of hours wasted everyday to mindless surfing of the internet.

Bad Habits die hard, they say. I can not seem to get out of default mode of going to the computer whenever I have time at home. Neither can I seem to persevere long enough to execute ideas that I have in my head. It seems that unless someone gives me a structure to follow, my days will just be spineless.

However, after 2 years of regimentation in the army, spineless days are "oh so refreshing"! Too much of almost anything can never do much good though. What I think I need is a basic structure of the weeks ahead and a list of things that I need and should do in the spaces of free time which will appear.

It's decided then... NOT TO WORK! Time for me to head down to the beach to snap some night pics and to write down that list then...